Words mean something

So often other, better writers, say the words I wish I could...here is an excellent example....

http://lastqstanding.blogspot.com/2010/11/many-many-moons-ago.html

Answering the call

Several people have asked me about my blog in the last few weeks, so I am going to answer the call, and post, be it ever so sporadic. Today, I felt more peace in my soul than I have in a long, long time. I cannot tell you exactly why. Not that it is a secret, but because I really do not know. So many things have changed in the last few days, weeks, months. I am sure quiting my old job, which I hated, and finding a new job, which I think I love, has a lot to do with my new found peace. As does Matt quiting his job, and shedding 15 pounds of stress. We are in a weird state of topsy-turvy, which seems to be our normal, however it always takes some getting used to. I have been saying for years that after such and such time/event/accomplishment we are going to have a normal, easy life. I have also said over and over again that I am going to quit saying that. Really, I do not think we will ever be settled, secure, or stable. I am working on being okay with that, and I must be making some progress because even in the midst of our craziness my heart is at rest.

On a completely unrelated note, I also realized today that something really important has started to take place...we have started getting comfortable in our new family dynamic. I know Tabitha has been here for six months, but just recently being a family of four has shifted from being a tremendous challenge to completely normal. I do not know what made me realize that we had finally reached our cruising altitude, but all of a sudden my ears popped and I settled comfortable into my seat for the ride. It makes me happy.

Holding on by a thread

I am sure everyone who reads this blog knows that Tabitha made her grand enterance on May 13th. Everything is good...except that I am sort of reeling through space having a hard time differentiating between crashing hormone levels, new emotions, and sleep deprevation. I want to blog about Tabby's birth and what I thought about the whole midwife experience. That will come, but right now I can barely type this mundane paragraph without tears ( I am going to chalk that up to hormones). So here is something I read today on Girl's Gone Child. It really struck a chord within, because I feel this way right now.

We're so afraid of thinking small - pushing ourselves instead toward lottery jackpots and drastic measures for change when on a personal level, it seems to me that time means more to happiness than anything. Every day we become a little more interesting. A little more balanced. A little more successful in our ability to understand and know and care and love and come to conclusions about things. - GGC.

Also...some pictures of the newest addition. She is super cuddly, the kind of cuddly that is hard to put down, but my favorite is when she looks at me.

D-day

Today is my semi-official due date for Tabitha's arrival. It is semi-official because my midwife actually calculates the latest possible date, which would be Thursday, in order to have as much time as possible before having to transfer my care to a physician should I be TWO WEEKS LATE (thanks for that info S. E.) . I calculated May 10th, and have stuck to it. Tabitha is making no apparent effort to stage her grand arrival, and every day that passes I turn into more of a miserable wretch than the day before. Pity my husband (and daughter, and mother, and anyone else who has felt the wrath that is my raging hormones). There is something about the anticipation of knowing that your body is about to be split in half that makes woman a tensy-wensy bit on edge. Every single body twinge, and Lord knows that is pretty much all my body is doing these days, is cause for holding one's breath to see if maybe, just maybe something is happening. That and I am just really ready to NOT be pregnant, with all of it's glorious side-effects that I will not even go into detail about because it just makes me sound like a whiner.

On the plus side I have really enjoyed having the last week off of work. Camille and I have gotten to do some hard-core playing. We did something 'big' everyday last week, and it has been great to get to spend some time with her having my undivided attention. I keep telling myself that this is the last few moments that she will be my only child and I need to take as much advantage of that as possible. I am constantly amazed at how big she is, and how little. I am sad that our one-on-one time is coming to an end, but I am super excited about watching her become a big sister. Just this week I feel that she is kind-of getting a small idea of what may be happening. I know that the actual event is going to be pretty monumental, because there is only so much a nearly two-year-old can comprehend prior to the physical presence of the person we have been talking about. However, today in the store Camille pointed to my belly and told a complete stranger that that was Tabby. It made me happy, even if she has just named my belly, and does not realize that there is a real baby in there that is going to come out and rock all our worlds.

I guess everything else in life is pretty calm, or at least feels calm in comparison to the baby events looming in the distance. Matt is the proud (VERY proud, which makes me happy) owner of a new-to-us Dodge Dakota. His sweet-cheap-Jeep was making a very audible death rattle and since Matt can drive 100+ miles a day for his job it is kinda important for him to have a reliable vehicle. We found an awesome deal on a four door truck that meets all of his work needs, gets better gas mileage than most trucks or SUVs, and can easily accommodate two car seats if needed. This is our first car payment since we have been married, Matt's first car to cost more than $1500, his first car with an airbag....funny to me.

Hello...echo...echo...

I am assuming someone may still be reading this, but I have not gotten a comment in a long time and that gets a girl down. Two post ago I wrote a little bit about my friend Kim and her family who are working on adopting a three-year-old from the Ukraine. They have officially been matched with her, which gives them the go-ahead to start fund raising. The first fund raiser they are doing is through jewelry sales at a friend's store. Please, PLEASE, check it out. You can find all the information on their blog, as well as the detailed story about how this adoption came to be and what is entailed. Go there...and comment on my blog because I am getting lonely in here talking to myself.

http://adoption.adeanthing.com/

Time marches on

These last few weeks I have been acutely aware of the passage of time. Interestingly, time has seemed to both fly by and drag, a fact to which I am sure many women in their third trimester can attest. I am in my 35th week of this pregnancy, which means if I go right up to my due date I have five more weeks. Five looooonngg weeks....and five very, very SHORT weeks. At this point Tabitha's room does not have a floor, I have yet to go sort through all of the baby girl clothes in storage, and although we know we have a crib (thank you Stacey), it does not live at our house yet. Also, I am trying to get some stuff at my job wrapped up so that I am not frantically sorting out paperwork in-between contractions. At this point it does not matter too much, though, because my boss cannot seem to find any extra OT to cover my kids, which makes me sad. I also just celebrated a birthday, the last of my twenties. I am feeling particularly old right now, which has more to do with shortness of breath and overwhelming fatigue than an actual number. I figured since time, it's passage, and usefulness has been on my mind, now would be a good opportunity to take a moment to re-assess where I am stand at this turning point. The very first post on The Land of the Living was dedicated to some things that I wanted to accomplish in 2010...and since we are a QUARTER (holy cow!) of the way through this year...here is my self-assessment:

This year I want to:

• Make real friends - I have to admit, I have done a bang up job on this one, there is a reason I listed it first. I have made a conscience effort to open myself up and get out there, and it has really paid off. I have three awesome, Godly women that I feel I have made a true connection. We have had people over to our home several times, including some great play-dates for Camille. I joined a meet-up group for mothers of toddlers in the area and Camille and I try to go to something fun at least once a week. We have started going to Sunday morning class and Wednesday night fellowship and I feel like a full-fledged community member in my church. I am not bragging, this has been the hardest thing for me. I would really (REALLY) like to just sit in my house and miss the soul-mates that I LOVE, but Camille needs friends, and I need support, and so that just is not going to happen. Although he does not have the social insecurity hang-ups that I do, Matt has also gotten really involved with the guys at our church, and it makes me happy to see him form new relationships too.
• Have a healthy baby - Obviously still working on this one, so far so good.
• Take more pictures - Hhhmm...I have actually TAKEN more pictures, but have not shared them very well. I guess I should have been more specific with my goal.
• Blog (!!!) - I think I have done okay...my goal was once per week, and I think, with a few exceptions, that has been the case.
• Take control of my health for me with no more excuses - *sigh* I totally fell off the exercise wagon when we moved into our new house. I really wanted to stay fit during this pregnancy, because I did such an awful job during my pregnancy with Camille and am still paying the price. I keep saying that I am going to start walking after work now that there is more light, but have yet to just get outside and walk. So here is my commitment in print...I will walk at least three times per week until this baby comes, the end!
• Get organized - This goal was way to broad, I realize. I had several things in my mind that I wanted to be more organized in, but now they are gone. I need to write down some specific areas that I want to organize, and start there.
• Move into our new house - GLORY TO JESUS, we did it!! I think it was the first week in March, although it seems like it has been a lot longer. I was amazed at how fast this place started to feel like home. Pictures soon, I promise.
• Wake up earlier - I started doing this, then I realized, I am about to have a baby and will not get the chance to sleep late for many months, so I take advantage of every moment I can until Tabitha arrives.
• Cook more, but easier and better planned meals - nope, if anything I would say less. Been too busy with moving.
• Get a half a cow in my freezer from a local farmer - Just last week my mom let me know that we are going to be splitting half a cow from the guy who rents their land! I am super excited. We also started getting farm-fresh eggs from our raw milk lady. Now if I could only find a way to get local, free-range chickens.
• Plant a super awesome garden and not neglect it too much - Due to the crazy weather we got a late start. I am not doing much of the physical labor, but have been doing most of the planning. I bought some seeds today, which I hope to at least help plant. I have to say that our garden is showing soooooo much progress. Last year we started a compost pile, and had a pile of cow poo composting in a field, which all went into the soil during tilling. It is the most luscious, black dirt I have ever laid my eyes on.
• Play more with Camille - some days yes, some days no. Today we are going to hunt Easter eggs in the yard when she wakes up from her nap.
• Walk the dogs - Not even once. Poor, sad puppies.
• Create a nice outdoor space for my family - we are working on it. That yard was a jungle. Camille and I spent last Saturday planting flowers in containers, partly because the ground is too over-run with weeds to even get a flower bed out of, and partly because Camille LOVES to pick flowers and I just thought it would be easier on us both if they were allowed to grow safely out of reach. I am looking for some used patio furniture, that stuff is expensive!
• Send more things in the mail - Hhhmmm...I set my sights too high.
• Read my Bible - I am sad that this is at the end of the list, and that I have to admit that I cannot even remember the last time I opened my Bible.
• Keep my car cleaner - *laugh*

There we have it. That may have been more for me than for blogging purposes, but who says that is not the point. I may make modifications to my list and re-post it, or I may just make mental notes. This seems like a really good way to foster self-improvement, which I need. I end with some of the pictures I took, but never posted :)

God has a big house

I want you to read this. This is my best friend Kim and her family following God's leading even though it seems like all out craziness. I cannot even type these words without getting tears in my eyes at just the sheer blessing of knowing them. Kim and I have talked about how much we both want to adopt, how it hurts us to know that there are kids out there that need homes. This is her (and Phil!) putting her money and heart and family and everything where her mouth is. So, I am asking that you pray for her and her family. That you pray about supporting their effort financially. That you consider her example and go and do likewise, I know that is what I am working towards.

http://adoption.adeanthing.com/