The first one, a 'mistake' child just prior to a very messy divorce, is so out of control with bad behavior that he has not met a single goal in SIX MONTHS because he cannot handle being challenged. I am talking bad, BAD, BAD behavior. Today he got really mad at me because I would not "Shit out my baby." So mad that he took off his shoe and threw it at the door and then crawled under the desk and would not come out. Luckily for me I am not this kids primary therapist and only have to see him on the very rare occasion. What makes me so mad is not that this kid is an out of control monster, but that we have seen his parents display their awful parenting in our waiting room...mom begs junior to behave and could literally count down from 100 (if I had a dollar for every time I heard, "Don't make me say zero, Don't make me say zero...") and then just give up and turn her head the other way, dad screams like a lunatic and calls the kid all kinds of names. Sigh....
The next kid of the day was escorted to the clinic by his dad, followed by his mom and her lesbian partner. Now, they have just recently gone through a very messy divorce and are in the process of an even messier custody battle. Mom is DETERMINED that her significant other is going to be a part of the therapy process, and dad is DETERMINED that she is not going anywhere near the therapy setting. So they, the three adults, proceed to engage in an all out screaming match in our waiting room. It got so bad that we told them if they all did not leave this minute we were calling the cops. We did manage to whisk the kiddo back to therapy, but not before the screaming started. It just makes me sick. When I evaluated this kid mom told me, with her own words, that "he was normal until his dad and I separated and then he just stopped talking." It just makes me want to bang my head on the wall, or bang their head on the wall, or something!
I would say that a good 75% of the parents I deal with on a daily basis are fantastic people who are trying to do the best they can for their kids. I am thankful for these parents, and I try to give the other parents the benefit of a doubt, or at least try to help them realize by saying gentle comments that maybe their behavior is having a direct impact on the emotional well being of their child. Heavy sigh...it has been a hard day. I do not know why I felt like I needed to tell all of this mess to you, other than that I really have a hard time carrying it all by myself. It affects me profoundly because I want so badly to make a difference and I know that for these kids with such screwed up home lives, really, I am meeting their needs? True, if I can help them be successful in school or become more independent in their self-care that helps them feel a level of achievement, but how does 45 minutes twice a week off-set 24/7 of a bad environment. How do we help those who REALLY need it??!?
In other news...I am have officially entered the gauntlet known as the third trimester. I am huge, really, really HUGE, but still feel pretty good. I think we have decided on a name....which should really not be a surprise to anyone because I have been saying it all along....but Matt conceded on Valentines to Tabitha Joy. I think it goes very well with Camille Hope, and Joy can do double duty by blessing Matt's mom and fitting so nicely into our middle name scheme. I still have not started getting together new things for Tabitha, like a crib and whatnot, but I have plenty of time, right? We are DETERMINED to move by the end of this month, and the house is pretty much ready to inhabit a toddler. Once that small obstacle is completed I am planning on going nesting crazy and decorating a nursery and gathering what few items we need.
2 comments:
I'm sorry Kelly. Sounds like a really rough day. Even other peoples kids break our hearts....Maybe even just a few hours of sanity a week can make a difference in a kids life.
I wrote a whole blog post in response to this post. :) Go over and read it!
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