Words mean something

So often other, better writers, say the words I wish I could...here is an excellent example....

http://lastqstanding.blogspot.com/2010/11/many-many-moons-ago.html

Answering the call

Several people have asked me about my blog in the last few weeks, so I am going to answer the call, and post, be it ever so sporadic. Today, I felt more peace in my soul than I have in a long, long time. I cannot tell you exactly why. Not that it is a secret, but because I really do not know. So many things have changed in the last few days, weeks, months. I am sure quiting my old job, which I hated, and finding a new job, which I think I love, has a lot to do with my new found peace. As does Matt quiting his job, and shedding 15 pounds of stress. We are in a weird state of topsy-turvy, which seems to be our normal, however it always takes some getting used to. I have been saying for years that after such and such time/event/accomplishment we are going to have a normal, easy life. I have also said over and over again that I am going to quit saying that. Really, I do not think we will ever be settled, secure, or stable. I am working on being okay with that, and I must be making some progress because even in the midst of our craziness my heart is at rest.

On a completely unrelated note, I also realized today that something really important has started to take place...we have started getting comfortable in our new family dynamic. I know Tabitha has been here for six months, but just recently being a family of four has shifted from being a tremendous challenge to completely normal. I do not know what made me realize that we had finally reached our cruising altitude, but all of a sudden my ears popped and I settled comfortable into my seat for the ride. It makes me happy.

Holding on by a thread

I am sure everyone who reads this blog knows that Tabitha made her grand enterance on May 13th. Everything is good...except that I am sort of reeling through space having a hard time differentiating between crashing hormone levels, new emotions, and sleep deprevation. I want to blog about Tabby's birth and what I thought about the whole midwife experience. That will come, but right now I can barely type this mundane paragraph without tears ( I am going to chalk that up to hormones). So here is something I read today on Girl's Gone Child. It really struck a chord within, because I feel this way right now.

We're so afraid of thinking small - pushing ourselves instead toward lottery jackpots and drastic measures for change when on a personal level, it seems to me that time means more to happiness than anything. Every day we become a little more interesting. A little more balanced. A little more successful in our ability to understand and know and care and love and come to conclusions about things. - GGC.

Also...some pictures of the newest addition. She is super cuddly, the kind of cuddly that is hard to put down, but my favorite is when she looks at me.

D-day

Today is my semi-official due date for Tabitha's arrival. It is semi-official because my midwife actually calculates the latest possible date, which would be Thursday, in order to have as much time as possible before having to transfer my care to a physician should I be TWO WEEKS LATE (thanks for that info S. E.) . I calculated May 10th, and have stuck to it. Tabitha is making no apparent effort to stage her grand arrival, and every day that passes I turn into more of a miserable wretch than the day before. Pity my husband (and daughter, and mother, and anyone else who has felt the wrath that is my raging hormones). There is something about the anticipation of knowing that your body is about to be split in half that makes woman a tensy-wensy bit on edge. Every single body twinge, and Lord knows that is pretty much all my body is doing these days, is cause for holding one's breath to see if maybe, just maybe something is happening. That and I am just really ready to NOT be pregnant, with all of it's glorious side-effects that I will not even go into detail about because it just makes me sound like a whiner.

On the plus side I have really enjoyed having the last week off of work. Camille and I have gotten to do some hard-core playing. We did something 'big' everyday last week, and it has been great to get to spend some time with her having my undivided attention. I keep telling myself that this is the last few moments that she will be my only child and I need to take as much advantage of that as possible. I am constantly amazed at how big she is, and how little. I am sad that our one-on-one time is coming to an end, but I am super excited about watching her become a big sister. Just this week I feel that she is kind-of getting a small idea of what may be happening. I know that the actual event is going to be pretty monumental, because there is only so much a nearly two-year-old can comprehend prior to the physical presence of the person we have been talking about. However, today in the store Camille pointed to my belly and told a complete stranger that that was Tabby. It made me happy, even if she has just named my belly, and does not realize that there is a real baby in there that is going to come out and rock all our worlds.

I guess everything else in life is pretty calm, or at least feels calm in comparison to the baby events looming in the distance. Matt is the proud (VERY proud, which makes me happy) owner of a new-to-us Dodge Dakota. His sweet-cheap-Jeep was making a very audible death rattle and since Matt can drive 100+ miles a day for his job it is kinda important for him to have a reliable vehicle. We found an awesome deal on a four door truck that meets all of his work needs, gets better gas mileage than most trucks or SUVs, and can easily accommodate two car seats if needed. This is our first car payment since we have been married, Matt's first car to cost more than $1500, his first car with an airbag....funny to me.

Hello...echo...echo...

I am assuming someone may still be reading this, but I have not gotten a comment in a long time and that gets a girl down. Two post ago I wrote a little bit about my friend Kim and her family who are working on adopting a three-year-old from the Ukraine. They have officially been matched with her, which gives them the go-ahead to start fund raising. The first fund raiser they are doing is through jewelry sales at a friend's store. Please, PLEASE, check it out. You can find all the information on their blog, as well as the detailed story about how this adoption came to be and what is entailed. Go there...and comment on my blog because I am getting lonely in here talking to myself.

http://adoption.adeanthing.com/

Time marches on

These last few weeks I have been acutely aware of the passage of time. Interestingly, time has seemed to both fly by and drag, a fact to which I am sure many women in their third trimester can attest. I am in my 35th week of this pregnancy, which means if I go right up to my due date I have five more weeks. Five looooonngg weeks....and five very, very SHORT weeks. At this point Tabitha's room does not have a floor, I have yet to go sort through all of the baby girl clothes in storage, and although we know we have a crib (thank you Stacey), it does not live at our house yet. Also, I am trying to get some stuff at my job wrapped up so that I am not frantically sorting out paperwork in-between contractions. At this point it does not matter too much, though, because my boss cannot seem to find any extra OT to cover my kids, which makes me sad. I also just celebrated a birthday, the last of my twenties. I am feeling particularly old right now, which has more to do with shortness of breath and overwhelming fatigue than an actual number. I figured since time, it's passage, and usefulness has been on my mind, now would be a good opportunity to take a moment to re-assess where I am stand at this turning point. The very first post on The Land of the Living was dedicated to some things that I wanted to accomplish in 2010...and since we are a QUARTER (holy cow!) of the way through this year...here is my self-assessment:

This year I want to:

• Make real friends - I have to admit, I have done a bang up job on this one, there is a reason I listed it first. I have made a conscience effort to open myself up and get out there, and it has really paid off. I have three awesome, Godly women that I feel I have made a true connection. We have had people over to our home several times, including some great play-dates for Camille. I joined a meet-up group for mothers of toddlers in the area and Camille and I try to go to something fun at least once a week. We have started going to Sunday morning class and Wednesday night fellowship and I feel like a full-fledged community member in my church. I am not bragging, this has been the hardest thing for me. I would really (REALLY) like to just sit in my house and miss the soul-mates that I LOVE, but Camille needs friends, and I need support, and so that just is not going to happen. Although he does not have the social insecurity hang-ups that I do, Matt has also gotten really involved with the guys at our church, and it makes me happy to see him form new relationships too.
• Have a healthy baby - Obviously still working on this one, so far so good.
• Take more pictures - Hhhmm...I have actually TAKEN more pictures, but have not shared them very well. I guess I should have been more specific with my goal.
• Blog (!!!) - I think I have done okay...my goal was once per week, and I think, with a few exceptions, that has been the case.
• Take control of my health for me with no more excuses - *sigh* I totally fell off the exercise wagon when we moved into our new house. I really wanted to stay fit during this pregnancy, because I did such an awful job during my pregnancy with Camille and am still paying the price. I keep saying that I am going to start walking after work now that there is more light, but have yet to just get outside and walk. So here is my commitment in print...I will walk at least three times per week until this baby comes, the end!
• Get organized - This goal was way to broad, I realize. I had several things in my mind that I wanted to be more organized in, but now they are gone. I need to write down some specific areas that I want to organize, and start there.
• Move into our new house - GLORY TO JESUS, we did it!! I think it was the first week in March, although it seems like it has been a lot longer. I was amazed at how fast this place started to feel like home. Pictures soon, I promise.
• Wake up earlier - I started doing this, then I realized, I am about to have a baby and will not get the chance to sleep late for many months, so I take advantage of every moment I can until Tabitha arrives.
• Cook more, but easier and better planned meals - nope, if anything I would say less. Been too busy with moving.
• Get a half a cow in my freezer from a local farmer - Just last week my mom let me know that we are going to be splitting half a cow from the guy who rents their land! I am super excited. We also started getting farm-fresh eggs from our raw milk lady. Now if I could only find a way to get local, free-range chickens.
• Plant a super awesome garden and not neglect it too much - Due to the crazy weather we got a late start. I am not doing much of the physical labor, but have been doing most of the planning. I bought some seeds today, which I hope to at least help plant. I have to say that our garden is showing soooooo much progress. Last year we started a compost pile, and had a pile of cow poo composting in a field, which all went into the soil during tilling. It is the most luscious, black dirt I have ever laid my eyes on.
• Play more with Camille - some days yes, some days no. Today we are going to hunt Easter eggs in the yard when she wakes up from her nap.
• Walk the dogs - Not even once. Poor, sad puppies.
• Create a nice outdoor space for my family - we are working on it. That yard was a jungle. Camille and I spent last Saturday planting flowers in containers, partly because the ground is too over-run with weeds to even get a flower bed out of, and partly because Camille LOVES to pick flowers and I just thought it would be easier on us both if they were allowed to grow safely out of reach. I am looking for some used patio furniture, that stuff is expensive!
• Send more things in the mail - Hhhmmm...I set my sights too high.
• Read my Bible - I am sad that this is at the end of the list, and that I have to admit that I cannot even remember the last time I opened my Bible.
• Keep my car cleaner - *laugh*

There we have it. That may have been more for me than for blogging purposes, but who says that is not the point. I may make modifications to my list and re-post it, or I may just make mental notes. This seems like a really good way to foster self-improvement, which I need. I end with some of the pictures I took, but never posted :)

God has a big house

I want you to read this. This is my best friend Kim and her family following God's leading even though it seems like all out craziness. I cannot even type these words without getting tears in my eyes at just the sheer blessing of knowing them. Kim and I have talked about how much we both want to adopt, how it hurts us to know that there are kids out there that need homes. This is her (and Phil!) putting her money and heart and family and everything where her mouth is. So, I am asking that you pray for her and her family. That you pray about supporting their effort financially. That you consider her example and go and do likewise, I know that is what I am working towards.

http://adoption.adeanthing.com/

God Makes a Point

For the last week God has been gently bringing to my realization how I totally lack contentment. My eyes are constantly seeking out things to be jealous over. I want the following: a new car, a showroom house, nice clothes for myself, nice clothes for Camille, a stylish haircut, a faster laptop, name brand shoes, a European vacation, an espresso bedroom suite, matching baby furniture, an expensive elliptical machine, outdoor furniture, overpriced nursery decor....do you get my drift.

Also, my wantings are not by any means limited to physical objects. I regularly pray for a new career for my husband, a healthy family, an easy delivery, a well behaved toddler, success at my job, protection from struggle....I ask for a LOT of things. So, like I said, God has been gently (which I appreciate because sometimes He is not so gentle) admonishing me to BE CONTENT. My car runs, my bedroom furniture is very functional, Matt's job pays bills, I have way too many shoes.

On the way to pick up Camille this afternoon I was praying about just that. Lord please help me to be content, please let me love my car and not lust after every car on the highway that is nicer than mine (which to be fair, is most of them). Please help me to be happy with my new, HUGE house without being prideful. Please help me to have and easy delivery, please, please, please on that one :) I got to my parents loaded up Camille and we headed for home....the 15 minute trip sounded something like this....

"Water please mommy, please mommy, wateeeeerr. Ice cream please, Ice cream, Ice cream. Song please, SOOOOOOOONGGG, song, song, song, SSOOOOOOOOONNNNGGG!!!. " Silence. "French fries, FRENCH FRIES, FRENCH FRIIIEEES please." I start to laugh. "Bottle, bottle, please, TOOOOY, TOY PLEASE. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. " Crying.

I had given Camille her cup of water, which she immediately threw on the floor, she has had ice cream maybe three times in her entire life so I have no idea where that came from. She has just been turned to face forward in the car and now is DEMANDING her music CDs by asking for songs, and french fries...that is just genetic. For the 15 between my parents house and my home I got to hear what I must sound like to God. Some of my demands make sense, like asking for water, but maybe He just gave me water and I threw it down and then changed my mind at a time when He could not just turn around a give it to me again. Maybe my demands come from left field, like asking for ice cream, where did she get that?? Maybe my demands are logical and He is in a position to give me what I ask, like turning on Camille's CD, but the way I ask is so ridiculous that He makes me wait anyway. Maybe I just start shooting things that I want off to heaven because I am so in the asking mode, demanding mode. Maybe He laughs at me, today I laughed at me. Kids are excellent glimpses into the heart of God.

Until that time

I am fully intending to write a (not-so)fabulous post today, but until that happens I want you to read this.

http://www.coffeestainedclarity.com/2010/03/carpe-defibrillator/

Because I have had a conversation about this very topic with THREE different mothers this very week. Why does the mothering instinct play out inside of us is like a neurotic, unrelenting and imaginative horror movie script?

Also I wanted to bring some attention to this blog:

http://www.keeperofthehome.org/2010/03/overcoming-scheduling-challenges-bringing-more-peace-to-my-day.html

Because she is super cool, the information on there inspires me, and we all seem to be heading down a path of more natural, less pre-packaged living. Go Us!

Until later.

Becoming the parent I always rolled my eyes at....

Am I bragging...yes, yes I am. However, I do acknowledge that we are creating a monster. Every time Camille sees a camera or a phone she wants to (insist with crying) to see the "cute baby." We watched this video approximately 36 times before I finally had to say the cute baby had gone bye-bye.

Also, the quality of the video may leave something to be desired, but we were in a dark room with our old camera.

Out of Pocket

I have been trying really hard to keep my once a week blogging pledge, but for the next couple of weeks I will be taking a break because....drum roll please....WE MOVED!!! After four months of painstaking work we are finally living in our house! I am so excited, but also completely overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do in order to get things put away. I have to say that this is the first time we have moved, out of seven moves, where we had a church family to lend a hand, and it was AWESOME. We (five guys from church, Matt, my parents, the pastor's wife, my cousin and her daughter) got everything packed up and then unpacked in less than three hours. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how much help everyone was, and how happy they were to come and toil so that we could make this happen. That, people, is what church community is all about. Not only did they help, but I have a house-warming apple pie and banana bread in my kitchen. Of course we also had wonderful help from my real (as in non-church) family, too, and that was also greatly appreciated.

So, hopefully I can get some pictures up soon. I will not even have Internet service at the new address until Tuesday, so we will see what happens.

A Fabulous Night

Last night we celebrated dropped Camille off for a fun over-night with Grandma and headed to Austin to celebrate Christmas!!! Matt and I, both without knowing it before hand, decided to give each other experiences for Christmas, and it was lovely. I got him a trigger point/myofascial release massage to help with the chronic knee pain that has been standing in the way of his weight lifting, and he got me tickets to Cirque du Soleil!

When we lived in Nevada, and were relatively close at hand to several permanent Cirque du Soleil shows in Vegas, I was constantly trying to figure out a way that we could have that experience. As we were moving to Texas, I told Matt that seeing one of their shows was on my life to-do list, which was just becoming exponentially harder seeing as Temple, Texas is not known for it's big-name shows. I doubt that Matt remembered that exact conversation, but he knew that I would love tickets, and fate smiled on him and whispered in his ear that the show was coming to Austin in time to buy tickets for my Christmas gift.

People, it was beyond fabulous. I am not even going to try to paint the acrobatic acts we saw into words. I think it will suffice to say that it exceeded my expectations, and how often do you get to say that? Here is a video of Alegria:

After the show we continued our night by going to Estancia Churrascaria, a Brazilian steakhouse.

http://www.estanciachurrascaria.com/

If you have never had the experience of a Brazilian steakhouse, I would highly recommend finding one for your next special occasion. It was so wonderful to have the night to ourselves, to reconnect and spend time doing something completely for enjoyment, without having to think about all the stress of say, moving, or having a second child.

Rantings and other news.

I am going to use this forum to share one of the biggest frustrations of my life, at this particular moment. That frustration is the parents of the kids at my job. Seriously, how badly can we mess up our kids and still sleep at night. Today I had two kids in a row who are so messed up from their parent's piss-poor parenting that I just want to go out into the waiting room and give them a piece of my mind.

The first one, a 'mistake' child just prior to a very messy divorce, is so out of control with bad behavior that he has not met a single goal in SIX MONTHS because he cannot handle being challenged. I am talking bad, BAD, BAD behavior. Today he got really mad at me because I would not "Shit out my baby." So mad that he took off his shoe and threw it at the door and then crawled under the desk and would not come out. Luckily for me I am not this kids primary therapist and only have to see him on the very rare occasion. What makes me so mad is not that this kid is an out of control monster, but that we have seen his parents display their awful parenting in our waiting room...mom begs junior to behave and could literally count down from 100 (if I had a dollar for every time I heard, "Don't make me say zero, Don't make me say zero...") and then just give up and turn her head the other way, dad screams like a lunatic and calls the kid all kinds of names. Sigh....

The next kid of the day was escorted to the clinic by his dad, followed by his mom and her lesbian partner. Now, they have just recently gone through a very messy divorce and are in the process of an even messier custody battle. Mom is DETERMINED that her significant other is going to be a part of the therapy process, and dad is DETERMINED that she is not going anywhere near the therapy setting. So they, the three adults, proceed to engage in an all out screaming match in our waiting room. It got so bad that we told them if they all did not leave this minute we were calling the cops. We did manage to whisk the kiddo back to therapy, but not before the screaming started. It just makes me sick. When I evaluated this kid mom told me, with her own words, that "he was normal until his dad and I separated and then he just stopped talking." It just makes me want to bang my head on the wall, or bang their head on the wall, or something!

I would say that a good 75% of the parents I deal with on a daily basis are fantastic people who are trying to do the best they can for their kids. I am thankful for these parents, and I try to give the other parents the benefit of a doubt, or at least try to help them realize by saying gentle comments that maybe their behavior is having a direct impact on the emotional well being of their child. Heavy sigh...it has been a hard day. I do not know why I felt like I needed to tell all of this mess to you, other than that I really have a hard time carrying it all by myself. It affects me profoundly because I want so badly to make a difference and I know that for these kids with such screwed up home lives, really, I am meeting their needs? True, if I can help them be successful in school or become more independent in their self-care that helps them feel a level of achievement, but how does 45 minutes twice a week off-set 24/7 of a bad environment. How do we help those who REALLY need it??!?

In other news...I am have officially entered the gauntlet known as the third trimester. I am huge, really, really HUGE, but still feel pretty good. I think we have decided on a name....which should really not be a surprise to anyone because I have been saying it all along....but Matt conceded on Valentines to Tabitha Joy. I think it goes very well with Camille Hope, and Joy can do double duty by blessing Matt's mom and fitting so nicely into our middle name scheme. I still have not started getting together new things for Tabitha, like a crib and whatnot, but I have plenty of time, right? We are DETERMINED to move by the end of this month, and the house is pretty much ready to inhabit a toddler. Once that small obstacle is completed I am planning on going nesting crazy and decorating a nursery and gathering what few items we need.

To have a child....

...means your heart will forever live outside of your body.

Right now I am sitting here listening to my husband read our daughter Goodnight Moon for bedtime and catching up on blogs I love. I read this:

http://www.coffeestainedclarity.com/2010/02/heart-extension/

I sat here listening and reading with tears rolling down my face. To love so much is a hard and wonderful thing indeed. I am glad when others, better writers, put into words what I feel with every cell in my body.

Busy, busy, busy!!

These last few weeks I feel like I have hit the ground running every morning and not stopped until late at night. I am sure this feeling is exaggerated, but it just seems like there is not enough time in the day to get everything done! I have been talking to my friends with TWO kids and I shudder to think of how much busier things can/will get when you add in the needs of another person. Especially when that new person is a newborn with zero self-help ability. Just the thought of it makes me tired.

One of the things I have been trying to do, in the midst of paper work for my job and play-dates for Camille, is researching seeds for this years garden. I am sooooo excited about trying out some cool seeds this year. Our (my mom and myself) garden was a stunning success last year. I am sure it has less to do with what we did, and more to do with the fact that we happen to live in an area that is known for the quality of it's soil. Last year was historically hot and dry and we still had a terrific yield. This year is supposed to be significantly cooler and wetter, which will mean a cheaper water bill and better crops. Vegetables know when they are getting rain and when it is the chlorinated stuff that comes out of the tap.

This year I am thinking that I really want to stick to the things that grew well for us last year, but experiment with different types of those things to improve our technique. For example, which variety of pepper grows best for us. We have a fairly big garden, so I am wanting to grow tomatoes, summer and winter squash, green beans, snow and sugar peas, cucumbers, okra, black-eyed peas, and peppers. This is actually way less than we tried to grow last year, but we realized that Texas in the summer is too hot for some items. With that said, hopefully we can do a fall/winter garden to do some of the veggies that do not tolerate the heat as well.

I have been cruising several different websites to decide on which seeds I want to try and I think I am going to order most of my seeds from Burpee. For those that need it, I am really wanting to start a lot of the seeds myself, instead of purchasing plants. We are lucky because Texas has such a long growing season that you can plant most of your veggies directly into your soil, but things like tomatoes and peppers do better if started indoors. Because of my ever-growing pregnant self, I feel kind of limited in what I am going to be able to contribute, at least at the beginning of the garden season, so I am glad that I can do this part.

If we are blessed with a good season, I also am hoping to do a LOT more preserving of the veggies from our garden for the non-garden months. Like I said, Texas' growing season is ridiculously long, so I should be able to store up several months of produce throughout that time. I am definitely planning on freezing a bunch of stuff, but the biggest project will be to tackle the art of canning. All this could go out the window if June rolls around and I have a fussy baby who does not discover the art of sleeping at an early age. I keep having visions of a cow in the freezer surround by bags of fresh frozen green beans, and jars of tomatoes in the pantry. I know it is possible, it just takes a whole lot of planning and work!

I would love to hear about other people's garden plans, experience with canning, hopes for happier, healthier meals. My desire and passion for this runs really deep, and I could talk for hours about how important I think it is to not only eat health, but to be able to grow food and be responsible about the stuff we put in our bodies. Also, I love the money saving aspect, because who likes dropping a fist-full of cash on vegetables sprayed with poison??

Weekend warriors

It has been an absolutely beautiful weekend in our area with lovely blue skies and warm temperatures. On Saturday I secured a babysitter and Matt and I spent many hours working on the house. It reminded me of when we were first married and living in Houston remodeling our maiden voyage on this journey of home ownership. You would think we would have learned, but I have very fond memories of that house in Houston and I really enjoyed my Saturday, even if the only thing I did was prep all the trim for painting. The house we are remodeling was apparently owned by a chain smoker who had an OCD obsession with poking holes in things because there was a nasty tobacco stain on all the trim and one million holes in every window, weird. While we were working the guys that we hired to do the tile in our kitchen were finishing up that project, with grand results. I cannot wait to show before and after pictures, it takes my breath away to see such beauty come out of something that was so ugly. I just hope the work shows up well in the pictures. I feel really blessed by the guys who worked on our house. They were fast and fair and did an excellent job. We found them on Craigslist, which can be risky when looking for someone to hire, so I am glad things turned out so well. I think in this society it is becoming more rare to have anyone take pride in their work and do a quality job, so when a craftsman comes along it is easy to take notice. They also were very ready to compliment the quality and skill of Matt's work, so evident in the house, and that made me swell with pride. I like it when other people notice what I see all the time!

So now it is back to the grind. I have my first full schedule since starting my new job. I have been anxiously awaiting having less free time, and now I know I will miss it when it is gone.

Introducing....

Baby girl #2!!!

Matt worked to try and get the pictures to scan and turn out clearer, but this is the best we could do with our scanner and the darkness of the pictures. Originally I had not planned on having an ultrasound, because so many people had told me how fun it is to be surprised and find out at birth. Then I realized...I hate surprises. So my midwife hooked me up with a very cool ultrasound company that offers diagnostic prenatal ultrasounds at a VERY reasonable price. I have to say that this was the best ultrasound experience I have had, they were professional, but laid back. And they really cared about offering a quality service to those without insurance, like myself. Enough about that.

Both Matt and I had been hoping that this one was a boy, because we are going to be done having babies after this and we really wanted a boy and a girl. After the ultrasound tech announced that we were having another girl, I realized instantly that I was super excited about having two girls. Sisters. However, Matt was more disappointed than he thought he would be, and I really sympathize with that. Had the situation been reversed and we had had two boys I would have been sad, too. Not that he does not love his daughter (s) intensely, but there is definitely something to be said for the bond between a father and son, likewise between a mother and daughter. I consoled him by saying that a daughter would have a much better chance being an Olympic weightlifter, because there is way less competition. I am sure he felt better.

So now we are in the process of picking out another girl name. For those of you who remember the last pregnancy, you know this was a really difficult process the last time around. I have found a name that I really like, and Matt is so-so on, which is about as good as it gets for us. We well see what happens, I guess.

As far as the oldest daughter is concerned, Camille had her first shots yesterday. It was horrid, and I am very glad I waited until now to do this. This is not at all a post on my position about vaccinations. As far as that goes I know everyone is doing everything that they can to make to safest decisions for their child as possible, and I respect that. I expect that same respect in return, since I too am trying to make the best decisions for my kids. You love them so much, and all you want is the very best in all situations, when it comes to making the big decisions, like should I inject them with neurotoxins in order to prevent dangerous diseases, there is no easy answer. Matt and I had decided when Camille was only a few months old that we would wait until she was walking and talking before beginning her vaccines. She is well into that stage, and I realized that even though she is not in as much danger from a lot of the conditions that vaccines treat against, the new baby would be, and I did not want Camille getting sick and then getting her newborn sister sick. There is nothing, NOTHING, worse than a sick baby, can I get an amen!!

So we went in and Camille got to big pokes in the thigh. She did really well and I only cried a little bit. She is now vaccinated against pertussis, meningitis, polio, and tetanus. We are going to go in at least one more time before May (when baby #2) arrives for the second round.

I know that something like vaccinations should not be so hard, but they really scare me. It is just another of those instances where I realize that no matter how much I feel like Camille is MY baby, really she is God's. He has given her to me to take care of her needs, but He takes care of her ultimately. I try to convince myself that I am okay with that, but the truth is I beg Him for mercy all the time. It takes trust to a new level, one that I could probably spend my whole life working on and be rattled at every turn.

Okay, this post seems to have rambled on long enough. I am wondering if anyone is reading this blog at all?? We are having major computer troubles, so it has been harder to post than normal, but my goal is still once per week.

Our house...In the middle of our street...

I should start this out by saying that Matt and I LOVE houses. Or maybe I love houses and Matt is just really good at turning something that is near ruin into something beautiful. I am serious, that man has mad skills. This is our second time to do a major home remodel, except this time we bought a house that was not-so-livable (it took my mom three attempts to just walk through the whole thing) and have the luxury of doing some of the major repairs before moving into the house.

I just got home from completing my first project on our house. By completing, actually I mean attempting, because as it turns out modern day wallpaper stripper does not even touch thirty-year old contact paper. I am certain I heard the contact paper laughing as I scored it with the little doo-dad and then tried to un-stick the space age glue with my measly chemical solvent. So, that was my thought, someone suggested renting a steamer, but I doubt water, even very hot water is going to do anything to this stuff either.

It was the first time I had been alone in our new house for any length of time, and it felt nice, and a little creepy. I seriously think some weird stuff went down in this house, seeing as how it was an estate sale (I do not know if the person actually died in that house) and then they had to turn off the water and electricity to try and get the son, who was squatting in the house, to evacuate. Turning off the water and electricity did not work, evidently, and it took over a year to get him out and get the house on the market. I do feel sorry for the guy, but there were ten heirs, and the other nine were really ready to get the brother out. Now, this family apparently had some issues, we found a box of pad locks in the garage, there were SEVEN on the front door. Several of the door jams are broken from the inside, like someone slammed the door so hard, or maybe was 'stuck' inside and hit the jam so hard that it cracked. The were hardcore Catholic, with crosses and and religious cards taped all over the walls, along with some random shopping bags and people cut from magazines. Sometimes, when I let my mind go places I should not I have a odd mix of the scene in Seven where they find the killers scary lair and Psycho with the whole devoted son thing. I try to think happy thoughts after that.

Okay...so why did we buy this house, you may ask, and LOTS of people have. We bought it because it is a stinkin' awesome investment. Houses in the neighborhood sell for significantly more than we paid, and given the right face lift (or maybe CPR and some electric shock is a better medical analogy) the house will be an awesome place to live. We are within walking distance of THREE parks. The house is on a corner lot with great trees, it has a four bedrooms with a den and a living room. We love the layout, the location, and the previous owners even had the decency to remove all the old carpet, for whatever reason. So...this is the list of things Matt the Wonder Husband has done:

1. Scraped all the old popcorn texture off the ceilings

2. Re-textured the ceiling

3. Paint the ceiling

The ceiling was a very involved project

4. Laid 750 square feet of tile

5. Removed a wall between the kitchen and the living room

6. Put up a new mailbox

7. Run wires for new lighting

8. Demo'd the old kitchen removing all the old counter tops and appliances

9. Prep work, Prep work, Prep work

10. Worked a full time job

11. Still been a loving husband and father

My brother Josh lovingly (I paid him a lot) painted the bedrooms for us over his Christmas break.

The things we have left to do before we can move in:

1. Lay wood flooring in the bedrooms and den

2. Paint the Kitchen cabinets

3. Tile the Kitchen counters and back splash

4. Replace two toilets

5. Hang lights in every room

6. Clean the bathrooms and get them usable

7. Paint closets and trim

8. Patch the fence so our dogs stay on their side

9. Replace interior doors

10. I do not know what my deal with lists has been. I think I just find them to be very organizing, and I like that.

At this point I think we are going to sub-out tiling the kitchen, because we are hoping to get into the house in the not too distant future and Matt's work is picking up. It has been REALLY frustrating to be pregnant during this remodel and not be able to help much at all. I have done a lot of the leg work, finding the best deals, scouring craigslist for materials and appliances. Eating bon bons and holding the whip, it has been great. So, here is a very poorly made video tour of our house from about 6 weeks ago, enjoy.

Let's get it started in here...

Welcome to my new blog!!

Please, please do not be cynical about my millionth attempt to consistent with blogging, I really want to do it well, but I think I am just going to be satisfied with doing it at all even if the posts are not fabulous. Once a week is not too much to ask, with the exception of the month of May during which I will be having a baby and the blog can deal. I am in the process of making some major changes that will hopefully make staying committed to the blogging process easier, the first being waking up earlier and the second being moving into a house with an office where I can have some quiet time to write without being in the hubbub of my house. Please feel free to hassle me if I do not live up to my own expectations.

I am feeling particularly nostalgic right now, being that today is the beginning of a new decade and I have nostalgic pregnancy hormones coursing through my veins. I am going to start this blog off with two lists, the first is the major events of last year, the second is my goals for the 2010. I love lists, they make me happy.

In 2009 I:

• Lived in the same house for over a year
• Planted my first garden with my mom
• Neglected said garden and enjoyed the fruits of my mom's labor
• Found a church I love
• Trained for a triathlon, which I never did ( nothing about pregnant and triathlon go together)
• Travelled on an airplane with a baby
• Decided that we only want two kids
• Got pregnant
• Bought a (second) house
• Met some cool people that I would love to get to know better
• Drastically changed jobs, from working with geriatrics to pediatrics
• Fell more in love with my husband
• Made the switch to raw, locally bought milk and paraben free products
• Lost my grandmother
• Watched my daughter learn to eat solid foods, crawl, walk, talk, dance, climb...
• Struggled with the same old things

This year I want to:

• Make real friends
• Have a healthy baby
• Take more pictures
• Blog (!!!)
• Take control of my health for me with no more excuses
• Get organized
• Move into our new house
• Wake up earlier
• Cook more, but easier and better planned meals
• Get a half a cow in my freezer from a local farmer
• Plant a super awesome garden and not neglect it too much
• Play more with Camille
• Walk the dogs
• Create a nice outdoor space for my family
• Send more things in the mail
• Read my Bible
• Keep my car cleaner